My dear friend, Wendy met me for coffee and gave me a big boost - and lots of encouragement to keep working. I greatly appreciated her insights and ability to connect with where I am and what I am struggling with. Her key for me right now: create a plan, focus on it and practice.
And chill out on workshops. Having said that, I had already registered for a mixed media workshop scheduled for Thursday and Friday. It was sponsored by Golden Acrylics and our instructor was Sherri Pratt - who was awesome. I had a blast - playing with all sorts of paint and mediums, creating pours, tissue paper paint to adhere to the canvas, learning about all sorts of techniques. I have now reorganized my workspace by the window to accommodate my acrylics as well as watercolours. It's such a lovely place to work - beautiful light and an awesome view. Below are three pieces I worked on - am still working on. Sherri was a great teacher - challenging, motivating and yet able to calm fears about playing around with different approaches, techniques. As she said, "It's acrylic, you can paint over it if you don't like it."
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I've taken photos of the paintings I am working on at three stages - last night, this morning and end of day today. I'm still highly unsatisfied but all I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other... so to speak.
So here's what I am discovering.... I haven't found my creative voice, that inner artist style, approach, whatever it's called - that 'look' that each artist develops. I haven't found that. Since I got back from LA, I have been painting 5 or 6 hours most days and I realize that for the most part, I am spinning my creative wheels. I am going in circles - not getting anywhere. I am putting a lot of paint down but... nothing to show for it. I look at the work of other artists, I read books. I can copy someone else's work but when it comes to expressing myself - painting from my heart, soul, inner child - wherever it is that creates - I'm lost.
I am stuck. I don't think this is artist's block because I am painting. I'm painting and not getting anywhere. I just keep going over and over the same canvas or canvases. I have several on the go right now. They are all 'old' canvases which means I acquired them when I lived in Taos in 2004-7. I slathered them with gesso texture - no rhyme or reason to the texture, just lots of it. And large canvases. Two are 30x40, one is 40x60! and then several 'smaller' ones - only 18x24 or 20x24. And there's all this distracting goop - texture - all over. Maybe that's part of my problem.
However, I do realize that I'm not really 'in' my body when I'm painting. I'm trying to create something, something that's 'good' - whatever that means. I am not allowing the creativity to unfold. I am thinking way too much. And it's frustrating to know I am in my head and therefore stuck - and not being able to find a way to my inner artist. Sad really. |
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